Get Incensed

What? Coming back as a zucchini wasn’t good enough for you?

It hasn’t been the best week for the Vatican.

First, a high-ranking Monsignor got caught on film (in what sounds like the Italian version of Punk’d) making advances on a young man. Monsignor Stenico initially claimed the film was “fraudulent” because he hadn’t been told his meeting with the young man was being filmed.

If he had been filmed having sex with the man he probably would have complained the footage was “fraudulent” because they didn’t get his good side.

Stenico later amended his excuse to say that he was only pretending to be gay to “to better understand this mysterious and faraway world which .. is doing so much harm to the Church.” Note to Vatican officials: Next time you guys may want to try Google.

And, really, “mysterious and faraway world”?! It’s not like gay people are from another galaxy.

The padre went on to say he was trying to gather information about “those who damage the image of the Church with homosexual activity.”

Hey, Monsignor. Whatsa matta you? It’s pedophiles who are giving the Church a bad name and it’s the Church’s policy toward homosexuals that is damaging what’s left of its image.

If you listen to the Monsignor for more than two minutes, even Larry Craig sounds like he’s making sense.

As we go to press, the only excuse Msgr. Stenico hasn’t tried to float yet is that he went to the young man’s room to try to get back some Church memorabilia.

What’s next, Monsignor? Are you going to tell us you thought the massage oil you were using was really flaxseed oil?

And, just when you thought things couldn’t get any nuttier ….

Father Cielecki, a Polish priest and close friend of John Paul II, hopped a flight to Poland to look at a photograph of a bonfire taken at a ceremony on the second anniversary of John Paul II’s death. Father C announced you could see a person in the flames and “said he was convinced the picture showed the former pontiff.”

My only question is: when did they start using tequila in place of sacramental wine? Next time I go to Church I’m going to ask for the chalice with salt.

I could be making this up, but I heard representatives from Australia and the Cartoon Network will be flying over to Poland because the picture also looks a lot like a koala bear or Bozo the Clown.

Saint Bozo has a nice ring to it, don’tcha think?

If you look hard enough at enough pictures of flames you could probably find a floating image of Charles Darwin while you were at it.

That would really burn the Pope’s ass, wouldn’t it?

Still, I’m inclined to believe that John Paul II really did appear in the flames. It would only be fitting that, as the Church continues to regard homosexuality as a sin, the one time a former pontiff appears it’s as a flaming Pope.

humor, Vatican, Monsignor Stenico, flaming Pope, ’nuff said