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Published August 2, 2008

Ahh…she’s probably okay…

Let me start off by saying that I don’t watch the Today Show.

And that’s a good thing because I just bought a new flat screen TV and if I had been watching the segment below I would’ve put a rock through my 32-inch Sony before I had finished paying for it.

In case you haven’t been following the case of Reigh Storrow Boss, let’s go over a few details…

Seven-year old Reigh Storrow Boss is the daughter of Clark Rockefeller and Sandra Boss. After getting divorced, Sandra moved to London with her daughter where she worked as a consultant with McKinsey & Company.

The well-to-do father, who claimed to be related to the Rockefeller family, remained in Boston. Ms. Boss was concerned enough about the possibility of the father abducting the child that she arranged for a social worker to be present whenever the girl visited her father in the U.S.

Not surprisingly, the social worker was no match for the father who decided to kidnap the daughter anyway.

Savvy Get Incensed readers will recognize this story as being tailor-made for the current news environment. Larry King, Nancy Grace and your local weatherman could milk this story for a weeks worth of ratings while working on a Sudoku puzzle.

First off, it involves rich people with a daughter who registers off the charts on the cute scale. Next, there’s intrigue since no one can find a Social Security number for the father who, in addition to boasting (falsely, it appears) of ties to the Rockefeller family, has at least three other aliases.

He also has enough money to pay cash or gold for a 78-foot catamaran that figures in the abduction plot which involved switching cars and was purportedly six months in the making.

The mother videotaped a plea for her daughter’s safety, urging her husband not to hurt their child and asking him to please return the child safely and assuring him they could work things out.

All of which brings us to the Today Show…

With the access and resources of NBC behind it, you might think the Today show would call in a credentialed psychologist or an experienced FBI profiler to comment on the case. You might even think that, since New York is reasonably close to Boston, it would make sense for a reporter to hop on an Amtrak train or take a Delta shuttle to go up to Boston to talk to someone from the Boston police department.

That just goes to show you why you and I don’t have the top-rated morning talk show in America. The Today Show, exhibiting the kind of professional journalistic judgment we could only dream of, decided the best person to interview would be a 19-year old girl who babysat for the family two years ago.

The ensuing two minute and thirty nine second interview will go a long way to reinforcing every stereotype you ever had about blondes, people from New Hampshire and the IQ of television hosts.

Emily describes Clark Rockefeller as a “nice and gentle man” and basically brushes off a six-month planned kidnapping plot as a natural reaction to a divorce and supervised visits with his daughter.

I’m sure Sandra Boss is also quite comforted by the fact that her former babysitter thinks she’s over-reacting regarding her concern for the safety of her daughter.

I’m guessing Matt Lauer’s interview next Monday is going to feature the retarded kid who used to bag Clark Rockefeller’s groceries. The kid will tell us what a great guy Clark is because Clark once gave him a shiny new quarter as a tip. If I was that kid, I’d be worried that the store might be interviewing Matt Lauer to take over my job.

Welcome to the Circus of the Complete Morons who dominate the majority of the 24-hour news cycle. Good thing we’ve got the Matt Lauers of the world covering the Presidential election. Nothing’s going to slip past these hard-nosed, analytical members of Fourth Estate.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Washington, an FBI memo is circulating requiring agents who want to enter the prestigious profiling program to have absolutely no experience babysitting.

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