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Under Pressure

by Mark Jabo

2_stress_one.gif
It’s all under control….

There are many experts who say we are living in the most stressful time in history.

I’m a little skeptical. It seems to me finishing a Power Point presentation by Friday isn’t anywhere near as stressful as getting chased by a saber-toothed tiger.

Sure, you might not remember to save the last three hours of slides, but is that really as bad as forgetting your club back at the cave?

But enough conjecture, let’s look at this question scientifically by taking a look back at the Top 5 Most Stressful Periods in History and see how people coped before there were Stress Less coffee mugs ….

The Top 5 Most Stressful Periods in History

5.) The Middle Ages

Top Stressors:

  • Spanish Inquisition
  • Feudal System
  • Average lifespan of 14 years
  • Popular Stress Relievers:

  • Grog
  • Jousting
  • Sex
  • Practical Advice For The Times:
    — Don’t wait too long to declare your major, you’ll be dead. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t hang around with the Galileo kid.

    4.) Ancient Rome

    Top Stressors:

  • Lions (if you were a Christian)
  • Caesar (if you lived anywhere that wasn’t conquered)
  • Brutus (if you were Caesar)
  • Popular Stress Relievers:

  • Bread and circuses
  • Mutiple gods
  • Orgies
  • Practical Advice For The Times:
    — Change your number system. Buy stock in Olive Garden.

    3.) The Aztec Era

    Top Stressors:

  • High priests
  • Being a virgin
  • Spaniards
  • Popular Stress Relievers:

  • Licking hallucinogenic frogs
  • Soccer with the heads of your enemies
  • Losing your virginity
  • Practical Advice For The Times:
    — Don’t tell the fast-talking dude in metal chest protector where you keep your gold.

    2.) Whenever Your Parents Had to Deal With You As A Teenager

    Top Stressors:

  • Swing/Rock ‘n’ Roll/Hippity Hop or other music of the Devil
  • Keeping the refrigerator stocked
  • Your grades
  • Popular Stress Relievers:

  • Whiskey Sour/Pot/Valium
  • A corner office/Stock options/An IPO
  • “You’re grounded!”
  • Sleeping with your secretary/commune member/au pair
  • Practical Advice For The Times:
    — Never, ever, ever take a vacation without posting security guards on your house.

    And the number one most stressful time in history ….

    1.) Right Now

    Top Stressors:

  • The economy
  • The elections
  • The return of American Gladiators
  • Popular Stress Relievers:

  • Hilarious blogs
  • A vacation
  • Internet porn
  • Practical Advice For The Times:
    — There’s nothing new under the sun. Laughter and sex are still the best solutions for stress … but usually not if they’re both happening at the same time.

    As always, the best way to deal with stress is to sit down, make a list and examine each area of stress with a calm, rational approach.

    There’ll be plenty of time later to run screaming into the streets.

    -

    Week Nine of Project Blog is going on right now over at BCS Frenzy. Make sure you get over there and vote.

    Just don’t stress out about it….

    -

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    8 Responses to “Under Pressure

    1. Project Blog Week Nine: Vote for your Favorite! Says:

      [...] 1. Winnie, Watching the View: “Five Things You Havein Common with Sherri Shephard” 2. Sally, Style Fix: “Rerun of Runway Sends me into Total Recap Mode” 3. Mark, Get Incensed: “Under Pressure” [...]

    2. Kate Says:

      No stress. Great entry. Good luck.

    3. don Says:

      Last week was pretty tough too. And after a 8 days of being snowed-in, my kids nearly didn’t make the middle ages life expectancy.

    4. Doug Robertson Says:

      “…my kids nearly didn’t make the middle ages life expectancy.”

      LOL - good one, Don!

      Great post, Mark.

    5. Mark Jabo Says:

      @Kate,Don,Doug:
      Thanks for stopping by, guys. Very exciting for me to have people I’m fans of cruise the site. :)

    6. Doug Robertson Says:

      It’s not a cruise, it’s an addiction. I just don’t talk too much. :-) My bad.

    7. Winnie Says:

      Do you know where I can get me one of those hallucinogenic frogs?

    8. Watching The View » Blog Archive » Five Things You Have in Common with Sherri Shepherd Says:

      [...] Here are the other contestants: Sally, Style Fix: “Rerun of Runway Sends me into Total Recap Mode” Mark, Get Incensed: “Under Pressure” [...]

    Leave a Reply


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