Get Incensed

Maybe? ….

People often come up to me on the street and ask, “How do you choose the Friday Six? … and does any cash change hands?”

The answer to both questions is “No.”

That’s because I’ve lived in New York City too long to say anything other than “No” to people who approach me on the street. You never know what kind of lunatic, charity worker or tourist you’re liable to run into.

One minute you’re on your way to catch the subway; next thing you know you’re trying to extricate yourself from a 20-minute discussion about aliens, global warming or the Empire State Building.

Now that I’ve made the transition to living in a somewhat smaller city, I find that a firmly pronounced “No!” still comes in handy on a regular basis. It is a way to protect yourself from the incessant up-sell you get at the register whenever you buy something in a store at the mall.

You know the drill …

Register girl: Would you like to sign up for our “Love Your Body” card?
Me: No, thanks. I already love my body.
Register girl: You can save 10% on today’s order….
Me: How much is the card?
Register girl: Ten dollars
Me: So, you want me to pay ten dollars to save five … do you work for the government?
Register girl: But you’ll save 10% on all future purchases….
Me: And I’ll get 30% more junk e-mails
Register girl: Well, sure, we’ll let you know about special offers throughout the year…
Me: And don’t forget offers from your selected “partners,” too.
Register girl: Those are more chances to save.
Me: It’s like getting updates from my ex-girlfriend about all the places she’s going with her new lover….
Register girl: It’s really not like that at all….
Me: So, this card is like one of those “Friends of” cards all the other stores have.
Register girl: Exactly.
Me: If we’re such good friends, why don’t you give me the 10% without making me buy the card?
Register girl: It doesn’t work like that…
Me: How much for a “Love Your Body” card?
Register girl: I’m not sure what you mean….
Me: Well, you’re really good-looking. Is there a card that gives me a free date with you after ten full price dates?
Register girl: Um … Security!
Security guard (or possibly a talking bulldozer): Is there a problem here, sir?
Me: No.

See? It’s like raising kids. You just have to know when to say, “No.”

All of which is a long-winded way of saying “Yes!” to the Friday Six. Yes - to the websites, articles and videos that made us laugh this week. Yes - to finally making it to the weekend. No - to the same old tired alliteration of a Friday Five.

Have fun and enjoy the weekend, y’all.

Diesel over at Mattress Police reminds you, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” But I think it’s okay to ask if she has a sister.
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“Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in.” Over at A Special Kind of Stupid, Kev explains why his alma mater is like Michael Corleone.
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The Onion reports on the key element in deciding the upcoming Presidential election. It’s exactly what you thought it would be.
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Dorky Dad lists 10 People That Need Punching. There are no politicians or televangelists on the list so there’s bound to be a sequel.
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Over at Kissing Suzy Kolber the Always Be Covering segment has your NFL Picks of the Week. Plus, Kissing Suzy Kolber is one of the great blog names of all time.

Jim Gaffigan. Bacon. ‘Nuff said.

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