Get Incensed

It’s bad news when your company and the punchline to an old gay joke have something in common….

God is smiling on humor writers this week. She does that every once in awhile.

For the second day in a row, you haven’t had to look any further than a news story headline to find humor in the day’s events.

Today’s headline from Reuters News:
FDA Says Food Recall is Urgent Threat

I thought that was the whole point of a recall … to get a dangerous product off the shelves as soon as possible. If there is long-term danger in some meat products it’s not a recall, it’s the value menu at McDonalds.

This particular recall was triggered by botulism found in cans of Castleberry’s Hot Dog Chili.

The other beef (haha! the jokes practically write themselves) I have with the recall is that it is getting in the way of evolution. Since we no longer have to stalk our food or survive on our wits in the jungle unless we’ve been chosen for a reality show, the only real Darwinism that still operates in our society is when stupid people get weeded out of the gene pool.

If you’re stupid enough to buy an off-brand can of chili made with hot dogs, I think the government is doing society a disservice by inserting themselves into the normal process by which a species thins out the slower, weaker members.

It’s hot dog chili. What did you think was going to happen? That you were going to lose 15 pounds and gain muscle mass? I’m pretty sure that hot dog chili even comes with a warning label clearly printed on the can: Warning: This is hot dog chili. WTF are you thinking?!

The Reuters article notes:

The recall by Castleberry’s originally affected 10 products. The expanded move involves more than 80 types of stew, chili, hash and other products as well as pet food sold under a variety of brand names.

Couldn’t they just have quarantined one assembly line?

I’m not saying that the stew, chili, hash and dog food all come from the same pipeline and are just put into different cans but … um, yeah, that pretty much is what I’m saying.

As detailed in the story, “botulism is a potentially fatal illness. Symptoms include dizziness, double vision, difficulty in breathing and abdominal problems.” Botulism can be difficult to diagnose as these are the same symptoms you’re liable to get when your girlfriend tells you about her surprise pregnancy. Or from eating a normal can of chili.

It turns out the best advice came from Cicero almost 20 centuries ago: caveat emptor. I’m pretty sure that’s Latin and it means either “become a vegetarian” or “only eat candy.”

botulism, Castleberry, hot dog chili, warning labels, FDA, pregnancy, candy

Ed. note: For some great tips and recipes of how to live without meat (which doesn’t sound nearly as zany as it did before the FDA recall :D), check out Sally Anderson’s blog, Living Without Meat.