Get Incensed

“Back in my day, we really knew how to screw up the economy ….”

The only thing more tedious than having to listen to a year and a half of Presidential election campaigning, is to have to listen to lousy ex-politicians give advice on the current state of affairs in this country.

Where the hell is the FCC when you need them? Instead of worrying about how much skin is being shown on Grey’s Anatomy, they should be enforcing some kind of public decency rule to limit washed-up politicians from giving any kind of political commentary on the current issues.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to become an ex-politician? You have to be even more of an idiot than the idiots who are still in office.

Which brings us to Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter was arguably the worst President in the past 50 years. And, yes, I’m including the current President in that mix.

How old is Jimmy Carter? Has he turned 175 yet? Carter is now the oldest living President which may explain why he thinks everyone else has forgotten how badly he messed up when he was in office.

All you need to know about the Carter Presidency - other than the fact it was marked by the almost unheard of economic trifecta of double-digit inflation, low productivity and high unemployment - is that Carter oversaw the creation of two new government departments: the Department of Energy and the Department of Education.

This bureaucratic feat is so amazing it should have its own category on Jeopardy.

Despite his record, Jimmy Carter will show up on TV or in a Newsweek article every couple of weeks as the source of some “advice” about what we should do about our current problems.

You’d be better off taking parenting advice from Britney Spears than listening to political “wisdom” from Carter.

In recent national elections, the race for the White House has been closely contested. To get an idea of just how ineffectual Carter was when he was in office, take a look at an electoral map of the 1980 election:

I don’t want to say the election was one-sided, but you’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference between the 1980 electoral map and a publicity shot of the Blue Man Group.

The last time anyone got their ass kicked that badly was when the Crazy 88s took on Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, Vol. 1.

And now it seems everyone is getting into the act. Michael Dukakis was interviewed in the New York Observer and had the audacity to offer some advice to the Democrats about how to win an election.

Yes. That Michael Dukakis. The guy who lost the national election to a Dana Carvey impersonator who had a ventriloquist dummy as a running mate.

Enough already with advice from guys that crashed their own political careers worse than one of those kids trying to jump a railing on a YouTube skateboarding video.

Politicians are like little kids. You have to let them fall down and make their own mistakes … until you find out they’re completely retarded, and then you need to put them away in a special wing of the school to make everyone’s lives a little easier.

presidential election, Jimmy Carter, mentally retarded, Michael Dukakis, Dana Carvey