Get Incensed

“These are the new leads … and to you they’re gold….”

Right now is a great time to buy gold.

I know because there was a full-page ad in my local paper that had pictures of important government buildings and both sides of a gold coin. The gold coin photos were “specially enhanced to show detail.”

The ad states that these coins could soon be worth three times what I pay for them … but only if I hurry.

Quality investment advice is hard to come by these days, so perhaps I shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss an ad that reads like a commercial for The Clapper.

Here’s the pitch from United States Rare Coin and Bullion Reserve:

If you had $50,000 in the bank and you transferred it into Gold at today’s price, you could now have an opportunity to gain more than three times its value. That’s right, over $150,000 dollars … You must understand that when you convert money to Gold, you haven’t spent your money, but have transferred its value from a declining paper currency, to a precious metal that is rising in both market and numismatic value. A market where you can lose everything at any minute. The Gold Market is currently very explosive, and with predictions of its price rising from about $700 per ounce to $2,000 per ounce, now is a great time to get in.

Whoa. Wait a minute. Did somebody just try to slip “A market where you can lose everything at any minute” past us? Could it be this is included so you’re not disappointed when you send in your check and never hear from these guys again?

And why is “Gold” capitalized? Is it because the ad writer worships gold as if it were a Supreme Being? The Bible (or was it Joel Osteen?) says if you contribute money it will come back to you ten-fold. In that case, the claims of tripling your money sounds like someone’s skimming a little off the top.

Or could it be that you’re buying shares in Harvey Gold who played keyboards for the new wave band Tin Huey? It’s had to believe shares in Harvey Gold could go up over three times, unless he joined The E Street Band.

Still, it’s quite reasonable to expect gold could go up above $2,000, isn’t it? After all there are “expert predictions” and “smart collectors are currently moving 10 - 20% of their assets into Gold.”

Here’s what a chart of gold from 1975 to the present would look like if we extrapolated Gold (with a capital “G”) going to $2,000 an ounce:

Predicted trajectory of gold or actual trajectory of the space shuttle

It makes you wonder why there’s all this negative talk about the U.S. government deficit. All we have to do is buy gold and there’ll be plenty of money for Social Security, universal health care and O.J. Simpson’s legal bills.

“Smart collectors,” “experts” and marketing writers pretty much guarantee it.

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