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Not Tonight, Deer … I Have a Headache

by Mark Jabo

Brian_Jame_Hathaway.jpg
Once you go venison, you’ll never go back ….

I was going back through my files and I discovered this story of Bryan James Hathaway who was accused of having sex with a deer. I’m reprinting it here because I think there’s an important lesson here for the young people of today. I’m just not sure what that lesson is….

I like venison as much as the next guy … as long as the next guy isn’t Bryan James Hathaway of Wisconsin. Brian is accused of having sex with a deer. And two counts of impersonating Jimmy Fallon.

Hathaway’s lawyer is trying to get his client off (er, perhaps a poor choice of words) on the technicality that the deer was dead at the time. The Wisconsin statute prohibits “sexual gratification with an animal” but, the lawyer argued, “animal” implies that the creature must be a living organism.

I’m not quite sure how you roll out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror every day as a lawyer anyway, but I have to think this wasn’t what this guy planned on when he took the LSATs. Mom and Dad must be so proud.

The lawyer is attempted to plea bargain the charge down from “sexual gratifcation with an animal” to being “bat-shit crazy in the first degree.”

Prosecutors are holding firm that any plea agreement must include a clause the prohibits the defendant from coming (damn! another poor choice of words) within 500 yards of the raw poultry section of the local supermarket.

I don’t want to say Dick Wolf is running out of story lines, but he’s reportedly contacted Hathaway for the rights to use his story on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit.

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Posted in General on August 1st, 2007

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One Response to “ Not Tonight, Deer … I Have a Headache ”

  1. friend from 1998 Says:
    May 8th, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    I knew this kid before I found out about all this but, Its kind of out of the blue crap that he had done. None of us thought he would turn out to be what he is now. I used to play golf with brian back when I was younger and its still a shock to this day that he did what he did. His parents are not parents they let him do whatever he wants. His mom doesnt care she goes off with guy after guy. His dad is a 24/7 drunk…

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