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No Chimp Left Behind

by Mark Jabo

3_Chimpanzee_thinking.jpg
Pomp and circumstance….

This just in …

In a recent study, a chimp beat nine college students in a short-term memory test.

To be fair, the chimp was home-schooled.

Further investigation uncovered the fact the monkey had spent two years at a local community college and secretly attended a Kaplan prep course prior to the study.

The chimp, Ayumu (whose name means “mandatory testing” in Swahili) will attend Princeton University in the fall and hopes to major in marketing while trying to land a spot on the gymnastics team.

In a related story, the names of the nine college students are being withheld pending their trying to get a job. Ever.

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Posted in General on December 3rd, 2007

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4 Responses to “ No Chimp Left Behind ”

  1. diesel Says:
    December 3rd, 2007 at 8:12 pm

    Ok, but I bet the college students are better at throwing feces.

  2. The OE Says:
    December 4th, 2007 at 12:13 am

    If being a secret agent was so easy, a monkey could do it

  3. Mark Jabo Says:
    December 4th, 2007 at 9:59 am

    @Diesel
    I cleaned out dorms during the summer for my work-study in college. You speak the truth.

    @OE
    [redacted]..old TV show. [redacted]..real identity remains classified.


    But Bob Novak let it slip in a column about Lance Link, Secret Chimp.

  4. Between the Sheets » Blog Archive » The Four Sexiest News Stories of 2007 Says:
    December 19th, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    [...] of each year, I like to reflect on what has happened in the world, from the controversial to the funny to the just plain stupid. And for you all, I’d like to take this time to recap the top four [...]

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