Get Incensed

“Man, you been a naughty boy…”

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “to talk of many things.”

Personally, I’ve always had a hard time figuring out what Wilford Brimley was talking about, but his dance mix came up the other day on my iPod so I figured that must be some kind of sign that I should reminisce about old posts.

Turn the beetis around…

Okay, it really wasn’t Wilford Brimley who gave me the idea, it was Allison over at Reality on Bravo.

I don’t know about you, but when I have to choose between taking suggestions from a hip, sexy blogger or an old guy who looks like he should be on a sunning himself on a rock at Sea World, I’m going with the one who doesn’t eat fish from a bucket.

That would be Allison.

And that, my friends, is good for all of us … otherwise there’s a good chance this would turn into a post about Quaker Oats.

All I’m saying is this is the right thing to do … and the tasty way to do it.

What I touched on last week and what is, hopefully, apparent by this point in today’s rambling is that Get Incensed is a humor blog.

The great thing about being a humor blog is there are pretty much no restrictions on what topics can be covered. And the best part about that is it gives me an excuse to troll around the Internet for whatever shiny website happens to catch my eye.

It’s a big wide, wonderful world wide web out there — so every day is kind of like Christmas. Sure, maybe it’s like Christmas for people with fetishes, but most of us still have a couple secrets that aren’t listed on our MySpace page.

To me the day’s discoveries can be divided into three scattergories: timesavers, trendy topics and tequila shots.

Timesaver sites are sites I visit in order to free up at least some of my day to focus on masquerading as a responsible adult. Spending at least part of your day doing what someone is paying you to do is something I highly recommend if you care about the little things in life — like food, clothing and shelter.

Of course, I could watch The View and blow off the morning sales meeting but if you’re like me and you’re on the executive fast track (meaning someone else makes the donut run), time management is an important skill. Watching the View lets me catch up on what Whoopi said while still pretending to pay attention to the latest organizational graph.

You don’t think tremendously successful people like Bill Gates, Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian have time to watch television all week, do you? They have other people watch it for them.

I travel in the same elite circles. I once had an apartment with three other guys and we sublet from a dude who paid rent to Trump. I use Internet Explorer to track my five figure bank account (if you include the two numbers to the right of the decimal) and I have to assume at least some of the royalties on the DVD made it back to Ms. Kardashian. Cynthia over at TV of the Absurd recaps everything I need to know about the really cool stuff on television.

It’s just all part of living large, baby.

Speaking of living large, I’m going to try to visit Denver again this Christmas. I was one of the lucky 25,000 or so people who got caught in last year’s snowstorm and got a free three-day stay on a plastic seat at the airport for just the cost of airfare.

It’s tough to pass up that kind of deal and now that I’ve spent some time over at Kara’s Colorado Review, I know some of the best spots in Denver International to sleep on my carry-on luggage.

As a humor blogger and part-time stand-up comic, it’s important to keep up on the latest trends. I have to know about such diverse areas as sports, gossip and gossip on sports. If only there was a site that addressed all three…

Wait, … what?

Jodie Lynn has a blog called Gossip on Sports?! Sports, gossip and the opinions of a smart, sassy woman. There hasn’t been a trifecta like that since the Milky Way bar … and you know how good chocolate, caramel and creamy nougat are.

If you have some extra time, you’ll want to click on Jodie’s bio and see how many words you can make out of the letters in all her degrees in under five minutes. The current record is something like 3,425.

I read someplace that it’s no longer cool for guys to come off as an Alpha Male. I think it was either the New York Times or Metrosexual Weakly that had an article about how important it is to be able to speak to your girlfriend about her interests. Style Fix helps people like me (read: fashion-challenged) keep up on the latest fashions. Who knew tube tops and cut-offs weren’t this year’s hot gift idea?

Want to really impress her? Lay a little bit of inside info from Brad Pitt Watch on her. It’s better than mistletoe … and way less creepy.

I call websites in the last scattergory “tequila shots” because they make you feel good, but you can’t always remember how you got there.

Babylune is one of those sites.

“What could be more fun than crazy babies?” I asked myself as I waited for my browser to load up Kate’s blog.

Instead of lunatic toddlers, what I found instead was a gem of a website ostensibly about “adventures in post-partum recovery.”

Despite what I said before about fetishes, it’s not that kind of website. There are no naked pictures of hot, recently pregnant moms.

Trust me, I checked.

What you will find is intelligent and caring writing laced with wisdom.

And, at least for me in this one post, a relationship goal to aspire to:

“… displays of desire are always being played out in front of our eyes. But, those are played out by the young, the single and the physically flawless. What we don’t see are relationships turning in, one person toward another. We don’t see desire developing into devotion. We don’t see intimacy growing into trust, mutual support and constant communication. We don’t see attraction turning to adoration.”

Because, you see, Get Incensed is a humor blog but I also hope it’s a human blog.

Which means discovering new friends and expanding horizons is what’s the most fun of all.