Get Incensed

One is a cartoon character; the other is an animated cartoon character….

Former radio host and elderly female zombie, Don Imus will return to the airwaves on December 3 with his own show on WABC radio. The radio station said discussions with Imus intensified when the jock was beaten out by Whoopi Goldberg for the final vacant spot on The View.

WABC is currently the nation’s most listened to talk radio station but is looking to relinquish that title, citing too much pressure and a desire to take some time off from responsible journalism.

The story breaks just in time to have the media flooded with pictures of Imus in a move largely seen as an effort to scare little kids and women basketball players this Halloween.

Imus is said to be “particularly incensed by Senator Hillary Clinton’s ’shameless exploitation’ of the Rutgers situation.”

As reported in a J.D. Power and Associates survey, this leaves Hillary only 3,243 instances behind Imus in the race to find topics to shamelessly exploit.

Most radio analysts expect the schlock jock to target the country’s next President. An Imus spokesperson is quoted as saying, “Hillary, prepare to meet your maker!” - further fueling rumors that the skeletal radio personality and the Grim Reaper are the same person.

WABC notes that Imus will be on a standard 40-second delay to enable the station to censor any profanity. The station suggests consumers who wish to protect themselves and their families from inane blather tune to a different station entirely.

Imus will also be appearing on an upcoming Barbara Walters special where the two media icons will discuss the best places to find early-bird specials and other senior citizen discounts.

Imus was a last minute substitute when Walters learned that 60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney was unavailable because he was being embalmed.