Friday Six — Happy Mother’s Day Edition
“I think he really Duggar, ’cause she was too loose to fake…”
You have to admire someone who takes an idea and just runs with it. Someone who gets an idea in their head and says, “To hell with all the negatives, I’m going to do this.”
Howard Schultz did it with Starbucks, Ray Kroc did it with McDonalds and George Bush did it with Iraq, except without the franchising.
In tribute to good ideas that have been run into the ground, I think it’s only fitting that Get Incensed celebrates this Mother’s Day by saluting the amazing story of Michelle Duggar.
Michelle went on the Today Show this morning to announce that, just in time for Mother’s Day, she is pregnant with her 18th child.
For Mother’s Day, her kids are going to stage a hostile takeover of FTD.
Michelle and her husband Jim are members of an evangelical Christian sect called Quiverful which, coincidentally, also happens to be a pretty fitting description of Michelle’s uterus.
Apparently, this Christian sect encourages children in much the same way as an election to Congress encourages spending.
Michelle has been pregnant (11+ years) longer than most people are married. Over one-quarter of her life has been spent pregnant.
She shouldn’t be on the Today Show, she should be getting an honorary doctorate in Obstetrics & Gynecology from Harvard Medical School.
If Michelle was any more fertile, her parents would be named Tigris and Euphrates.
On top of everything else, Michelle and her husband have given all their kids names that start with the letter “J” — Joshua, twins Jana and John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah and baby Jennifer.
This kind of nonsense is aggravating enough when you have three kids, but eighteen?!
The only way this makes sense is if the kids names all start with J in an attempt to remind Mr. Duggar to give all the screwing a rest and just jerk off once in awhile.
The Duggars told Today Show host Meredith Vieira they go through three loaves of bread a day. At that rate, the Duggars are responsible for raising food prices more than the push toward ethanol.
So, in the great American tradition of celebrating abundance (or the fact that you don’t have 18 kids), we offer up this special Mother’s Day edition of the Friday Six — six websites, videos or surgical procedures that made us laugh or count our blessings over the past week.
The Friday Six — the only alliteration is in the names of the Duggar kids.
As a former ex-pat in a satellite office in Tokyo, I know the worst part about coming back to the home office was having to work with actual, real-live people in close proximity again. My sympathies go out to John over at 15 Minute Lunch since his world just crumbled.
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Julius Sharpe makes what is becoming a regularly scheduled appearance on the GI Friday Six. I gave up making hard choices for Lent, so here are my top three of the past few weeks:
1. Miley Cyrus
2. Mos Def
3. Barbara Walters
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I have it on good authority that the next installment in the Terminator series is going to star Hillary Clinton as the indestructible cyborg from the future who relentlessly pursues John Connor. Or the Democratic nomination. In the meantime, we’ll continue to lampoon her over at Bizlevity.
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The Skwib is funny and informative. Passive-aggressive punctuation and the Drake equation in one blog? Q.E.D.
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Diesel cleans out the sock drawer over at Mattress Police and finds lions, the ACLU and Roman numerals.
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Unlike all those other articles about what to do with your tax rebate check, this one in The Onion is actually offers some practical tips.
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Have a great weekend, everyone. And for crissakes, use protection….
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May 9th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
“Michelle and her husband Jim are members of an evangelical Christian sect called Quiverful which, coincidentally, also happens to be a pretty fitting description of Michelle’s uterus.”
On behalf of my keyboard I just had to replace after spewing coffee all over it, I wanted to thank you for that quote.
Pure, unadulterated gold.
May 10th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I was partial to: “If Michelle was any more fertile, her parents would be named Tigris and Euphrates.”
Great post (and not only because you mentioned the Drake Equation)!
m
May 10th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Unlike Michelle…my work here is done…
Thanks, guys.
May 10th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
You’re a sick man.
Thank the gods.