Ahh...she's probably okay...

Let me start off by saying that I don’t watch the Today Show.

And that’s a good thing because I just bought a new flat screen TV and if I had been watching the segment below I would’ve put a rock through my 32-inch Sony before I had finished paying for it.

In case you haven’t been following the case of Reigh Storrow Boss, let’s go over a few details…

Seven-year old Reigh Storrow Boss is the daughter of Clark Rockefeller and Sandra Boss. After getting divorced, Sandra moved to London with her daughter where she worked as a consultant with McKinsey & Company.

The well-to-do father, who claimed to be related to the Rockefeller family, remained in Boston. Ms. Boss was concerned enough about the possibility of the father abducting the child that she arranged for a social worker to be present whenever the girl visited her father in the U.S.

Not surprisingly, the social worker was no match for the father who decided to kidnap the daughter anyway.

Savvy Get Incensed readers will recognize this story as being tailor-made for the current news environment. Larry King, Nancy Grace and your local weatherman could milk this story for a weeks worth of ratings while working on a Sudoku puzzle.

First off, it involves rich people with a daughter who registers off the charts on the cute scale. Next, there’s intrigue since no one can find a Social Security number for the father who, in addition to boasting (falsely, it appears) of ties to the Rockefeller family, has at least three other aliases.

He also has enough money to pay cash or gold for a 78-foot catamaran that figures in the abduction plot which involved switching cars and was purportedly six months in the making.

The mother videotaped a plea for her daughter’s safety, urging her husband not to hurt their child and asking him to please return the child safely and assuring him they could work things out.

All of which brings us to the Today Show…

With the access and resources of NBC behind it, you might think the Today show would call in a credentialed psychologist or an experienced FBI profiler to comment on the case. You might even think that, since New York is reasonably close to Boston, it would make sense for a reporter to hop on an Amtrak train or take a Delta shuttle to go up to Boston to talk to someone from the Boston police department.

That just goes to show you why you and I don’t have the top-rated morning talk show in America. The Today Show, exhibiting the kind of professional journalistic judgment we could only dream of, decided the best person to interview would be a 19-year old girl who babysat for the family two years ago.

The ensuing two minute and thirty nine second interview will go a long way to reinforcing every stereotype you ever had about blondes, people from New Hampshire and the IQ of television hosts.

Emily describes Clark Rockefeller as a “nice and gentle man” and basically brushes off a six-month planned kidnapping plot as a natural reaction to a divorce and supervised visits with his daughter.

I’m sure Sandra Boss is also quite comforted by the fact that her former babysitter thinks she’s over-reacting regarding her concern for the safety of her daughter.

I’m guessing Matt Lauer’s interview next Monday is going to feature the retarded kid who used to bag Clark Rockefeller’s groceries. The kid will tell us what a great guy Clark is because Clark once gave him a shiny new quarter as a tip. If I was that kid, I’d be worried that the store might be interviewing Matt Lauer to take over my job.

Welcome to the Circus of the Complete Morons who dominate the majority of the 24-hour news cycle. Good thing we’ve got the Matt Lauers of the world covering the Presidential election. Nothing’s going to slip past these hard-nosed, analytical members of Fourth Estate.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Washington, an FBI memo is circulating requiring agents who want to enter the prestigious profiling program to have absolutely no experience babysitting.

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WARNING: Watching this video could shave points off your IQ
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I thought I missed something.

The headline on the story read: “Bull Riding Is Becoming Mainstream.”

Really? If you’ve been to a bull riding competition at any point in your life, raise your manure-stained hand.

That’s what I thought.

I get that bull riding has grown in popularity and I’m sure more people are going to see bull riding events than ever before. More people are eating tofu than ever before, that doesn’t make it “mainstream.”

The article points out that bull riding is more popular than it was 16 years ago. Pretty much anything or anybody that has stuck around is more popular than they were 16 years ago. That goes for John Kerry, Barry Bonds and the Starland Vocal Band.

But wait, bull riders (and bull slingers) will protest, the not-so-new the Professional Bull Riding circuit has managed to get a television contract.

Easy, Cowboy.

Remember the XFL? They had a TV contract, too. That can’t miss proposition combined the showmanship of professional wrestling with all the popularity of football and strippers.

Professional bull riding combines the showmanship of barrel clowns with all the popularity of America’s Funniest Home Videos and a stench you won’t be able to get out of your clothes for a month.

If the guys at Febreeze aren’t all over this sales and marketing opportunity, someone should get fired.

I don’t have anything against bull riding, as long as I’m not the one strapped to the bull. In fact, I admire the toughness of guys who are willing to get their nuts crushed up into their throat on a regular basis and have a total hip replacement before they reach age 30.

I’m sure there are some people who think it’s inhumane to treat animals as entertainment props while humans profit from the spectacle.

If you’re one of those people, then you’re probably not going to be crazy about the website I’m working on that features nothing but videos of household pets high on pot smoke.

It sounds crazy now, but who knows?

In a couple of years, it could be considered mainstream.

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Typical PETA B.S.

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Government officials announced today that the U.S. Mint will soon produce a new silver dollar commemorating the birth of Louis Braille who created the raised-dot alphabet for the blind.

The Braille code word for Braille - “Brl” - is inscribed on the back of the new silver dollar.

On the front the Braille inscription reads, “If they tell you this is a quarter, they’re trying to screw you.”

My brother was born blind. He had a wicked sense of humor, so I’m sure he would have appreciated the irony in the government’s new silver dollar announcement.

Blind people don’t need the government’s help in differentiating coins. They can tell the difference between a quarter and a nickel with their eyes closed er, um … by feel.

If you really want to help blind people from getting ripped off, you need to put Braille lettering on paper money. Sure, someone could punch some fake holes in a $20 bill sized piece of paper, but at least they’d have to learn Braille to do it.

There’s already been at least one court case concerning the difficulty blind people have in discriminating between different denominations of paper currency. Last November, a judge ruled that, by not making money that can be differentiated by touch, the government is discriminating against blind people.

Next up on the court docket: the landmark Stevie Wonder v. Playboy case.

The U.S. Mint has said the new dollar coins will be available in early 2009. Of the 600,000 or so legally blind people in the country, only about 10% of them currently read Braille.

So, basically, the U.S. Mint is gearing up production of a commemorative coin for about 60,000 people or about the same number of people who attend a Notre Dame football game.

Maybe we should mint a coin to commemorate the next time the Fighting Irish win a football game.

Oh, by the way, if you want to buy the new Braille coin it will cost you $11 due to a $10 surcharge to help support the National Federation for the Blind.

Man, I didn’t see that coming.

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Fuck.

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George Carlin, 1937-2008

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Not content with dominating the world auto market, the Japanese robotic industry is now working to make American women smaller, quieter and more fuel efficient.

Japanese toy maker Sega is manufacturing “a 15-inch tall robotic girlfriend that kisses on command” and which will go on sale this September.

The real irony here is that if the tech geeks who worked on this had spent half as much time building a 15-inch robotic dick, they’d be able to get a real girl.

In addition to kissing on command, the pint-size female robot can also sing, dance and hands out business cards. Congratulations, Sega. You just built the world’s first robot stripper.

When it first hits the market, the robot is expected to retail for $175 because, as we all know, having a midget fetish isn’t cheap.

Savvy shoppers will note that for $65 you can get something that looks even more real by going to a Build-A-Bear workshop at the mall.

Sure, you’ll probably freak out the staff and a half-dozen kids, but you’ll at least get a certificate stating your Build-A-Bear is disease free.

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Can someone explain the whole Sex and the Cityphenomenon to me?

Is it just Star Trek for girls?

I keep hearing how it was a ground-breaking series. I keep hearing how a whole generation of women was empowered by its message which, as far as I can tell, is that pretty much anyone can have an active sex life in New York City, even if they kind of resemble a horse, as long as they dress nice.

I keep hearing what a funny, witty and intelligent series it was. I don’t know how to break it to you … but it really wasn’t. The West Wing was funny, witty and intelligent. Sportsnight was funny, witty and intelligent. Will and Grace was funny, witty and intelligent

Sex and the City was funny, witty and intelligent the same way Howard Stern is funny, witty and intelligent which is to say in a one-note, didja-see-how-edgy-and-racy-we-just-were kind of way.

I get that it was a better-than-average series with semi-interesting characters. I get that it represented a point of view that isn’t commonly shown on TV. So did Golden Girls… but you don’t see them rolling out Betty White and Bea Arthur for full-length movie.

I even get that the fashions and New York City were the “other main characters.”

What I don’t get is the level of hysteria accompanying the movie and the stars surrounding it. It just seem so totally out of proportion for the quality of the underlying product. From a guy’s perspective it’s like if everyone all of a sudden lost their minds over the Los Angeles Clippers.

This may come as a complete surprise to you but this isn’t the first time I haven’t understood something women do. So, if you feel you can add anything to my grasp of this hot-button issue, please feel free to drop me a comment. No DVDs, please. I don’t want to watch SATC, I just want to understand it.

The Friday Six is easy to understand. It’s six websites, blogs or HBO series made into movies that gave us a good laugh over the past week. And it has none of the alliteration of a Friday Five … how groundbreaking is that?

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If you’re judging the National Spelling Bee, it’s probably pretty safe if you call one of the contestants a “numbnut.” It’s not like they’re going to kick your ass or anything. Thanks to Traci over at Road Atlas Shrugged for this gem from this year’s eventual winner.

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I tried very hard not to laugh at this. I was sort of successful.

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Major creativity points for this video mash-up over at Neatorama by way of one of our favorite sports blogs, With Leather.

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If it’s election time, there must be celebrities vowing to leave the country if whoever they like doesn’t win. What Would Tyler Durden Do weighs in with insightful political commentary.

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A steamy letter to Penthouse about a menage-a-trois is over at Bizlevity.
Get ready for some hot CPI price component on price component action.

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Some people may ask how a previous post is eligible for the Friday Six. The real question is how could a Best of Mattress Police excerpt NOT make it into the Friday Six?
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Have a racy SATC weekend, everybody.

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Awhile back, architect Wen-I Chang completed the Gaia Hotel and Spa, an environmentally friendly hotel located in California’s Napa Valley.

How environmentally friendly is it?

Guests at the hotel won’t find a Gideon’s bible in their nightstand, but instead will be treated to a complimentary copy of Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth.

Somebody should warn Mr. Chang about the holy war he’s liable to start. I’m currently taking bets on how long it is before Pat Robertson or some other member of the religious right comes out and condemns this “blasphemy.”

Don’t get me wrong. I think the coming free-for-all will be fun to watch. I’m tired of the same old religions fighting. Watching the Jews and Palestinians battle is like watching old tapes of Sugar Ray Robinson and Jake La Motta - you can expect a good fight but you know the Israelis (like Robinson) are going to take five out of six fights.

Sunnis vs. Shiites? Please. This is like watching a featherweight fight. You’re impressed by the energy and enthusiasm, but you have no idea who either fighter is.

Religions, like boxing, thrive on match-ups. Which is why this new bout is so exciting. It shapes up to be a classic fight between the reigning heavyweight champion, Christianity and the up-and-coming religion of Climate Change Environmentalism.

It’s CCD vs CCE in a battle for the ages.

Let’s take a look at the tale of the tape between Christianity in the red corner and Environmentalism in the green corner:

Spokesperson/Savior: Jesus vs. Al Gore
Both failed to carry their home state first time around and both rose again after being pronounced dead. Gore’s political rebirth was almost as impressive as Jesus’ actual resurrection. Both spokespersons groomed disciples to carry forth their message of faith. Jesus walked on water but never managed to snag an Oscar. Son of God has slight edge on charisma - he was able to captivate audiences without using Power Point.
Advantage: Christianity

Promise We Hope Spokesman/Savior Keeps: “I Will Come Again” vs. “I Won’t Run Again”
Close call here. Even if Jesus did come again, there is some question as to whether anyone would believe it. What could He possibly do that hasn’t already been done by David Blaine? While there’s no question a verified Jesus sighting would be front page news, you have to wonder if the SoG could withstand the scrutiny of his every quote being videotaped, posted and mashed on YouTube. On the other hand, Gore can only go downhill from here. He already has access to heads of state, the UN and Julia Roberts with none of the responsibility and stress of daily Presidential duties. We still don’t understand why he hasn’t dumped Tipper and started partying with Lindsay Lohan or Scarlett Johanssen.
Advantage: Environmentalism

Article of Faith: “You’ll get your reward in Heaven” vs. “If we do nothing, the human race will cease to exist in 50 years”
It would seem like a no-brainer to party hard for 50 years and then get your reward in heaven, thereby enjoying the best of both worlds: guilt-free, hedonistic pleasure here on Earth and eternal bliss in the hereafter. All of which would have been fine until the global warming advocates started insisting that climate change was a “moral issue.” Talk about a buzz-kill. You mean to tell me my chances of getting into Heaven depend on whether or not I recycle and own a Prius? Luckily, both religions provide you with an out. Christianity has confession and Environmentalism has carbon credits. Either way you’ve got a way to absolve yourself of your sins and still make it past the velvet rope into the big Hard Rock Cafe in the sky.
Advantage: Draw

Punishment for Sins: “Plagues, floods and eternal damnation” vs. “Plagues, floods and having to hear Laurie David say, ‘I told you so.’”
Suddenly, endless hellfire looks a lot more appealing. If the climate change folks are correct, you’ll probably be used to the heat by that time, anyway.
Advantage: Christianity

Official Book of the Religion: The Bible vs. An Inconvenient Truth
Both books are filled with scary prophecies and wild tales about a great flood. If you can believe two of every animal fit on the Ark, then you probably don’t have any problem with the Statue of Liberty being under water in your lifetime. The main difference: the Bible wasn’t pretending to be a scientific presentation. Goodie bags at the Oscars after-party don’t match free food and wine provided by Jesus at the outdoor preach-fest at the Sea of Galilee.
Advantage: Christianity

Most Famous Betrayer: Judas vs. Dr. Claude Allegre
Judas obviously had a better public relations firm since, even 2000 years later, his name is still synonymous with “betrayal” while few people outside of climate science have even heard of Dr. Allegre. At least Judas also got 10 pieces of silver out of the deal. Dr. Allegre appears to have switched positions due solely to scientific integrity. Go figure.
Advantage: Christianity

Drastic Method Proposed for Dealing with Non-Believers: The Spanish Inquisition vs. Proposed “Nuremberg” Trials for Climate Change Skeptics
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. On the other hand, attempts to forcibly silence climate change skeptics can be expected to appear with unsettling frequency in today’s news headlines. There is still debate in the Catholic Church about whether it was appropriate to apologize for the Inquisition. Apologies from heavy-handed climate change advocates won’t be coming anytime soon. Faced with the choice of being stretched on the rack or being forced to use fluorescent bulbs, it makes sense to lay out a little cash ahead of time for more expensive lighting. We can only hope that 600-years from now a comedy sketch group will be able to bring some humor to the global warming debate. Until then, it’s every heretic for himself.
Advantage: Environmentalism

Benevolent Outlook Doesn’t Extend To…: Gays vs. Michael Crichton
Being shunned, vilified, encouraged to under go “deprogramming,” and denied basic rights are just some of the actions taken against those considered to be in violation of the religion’s moral law. Not that there’s anything wrong with being Michael Crichton…
Advantage: Environmentalism

There you have it. Christianity looks to have the edge on paper, but it should be a good fight.

And the best part? We’ve all got ringside seats.

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Because you can come up with almost any crazy idea and turn it into a business. I’m pretty sure the guys that came up with the idea for Omaha Steaks were high at the time.

Stoner #1: This is the last of my stash and I got fired today, dude. How are we going to pay for more pot?
Stoner #2: Check this out. We could sell overpriced meat through the mail.”
Stoner #1: Come on, dude. Seriously. Even I’m not that freakin’ high…

And yet…Omaha Steaks has been proudly serving beef lovers and people who can’t do long division since 1917.

You know you’re on to something when you can make Ticketmaster look underpriced.

Thanks to the magic of teh Interwebs, you can shop online and buy four, 4 oz. filet mignons at the every day low price of $50.99 plus $15.99 shipping — which works out to just under $67.00 a pound.

For $67 a pound, I expect to open the box and find Gordan Ramsay slaughtering a fresh cow. In fact, I’ll bet I could get Gordon Ramsay to do it for less than 50 bucks.

And, really, are you fooling anyone with the $50.99 price and $15.99 shipping?

Oh, wait…I forgot my calculator…I would’nt pay $51 a pound but $50.99 looks like a real bargain to me. And, just look at those savings on the shipping!

Don’t get me wrong, there are deals to be had at Omaha Steaks. Savvy shoppers will want to avoid the high-priced regular items and go for the specials, like the Griller’s Gala — just in time for that Memorial Day cook-out. With the Griller’s Gala you’ll only pay about about $15.65 a pound for a variety mix of beef cuts, about one-third of which is hamburger. Did I mention that the $90 price is over 50% off the regular $182.00 cost? Woo hoo.

I’ll be spending the long weekend working on my business plan for South Dakota Fish. It’s going to feature the finest, organically-raised fish of all different varieties for one flat-rate of $129.99 a pound.

Of course, shipping’s not included. What do you think…I’m made of money?

Well, not yet, anyway ….

There’s plenty of meat in this week’s Friday Six. It features our usual top cuts of websites, blogs and undercover slaughterhouse videos that are sure to tickle your carnivorous funny bone.

It’s 100% USDA-grade humor with no filler and no alliteration.

Yum!

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Looking for a job? Having Diesel help you write your resume may not help you get the job, but you’ll be having too much fun reading Jobs I Have Sucked At to care

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People are getting all excited about a chimp that can play Ms. Pacman. Call me when the monkey masters Grand Theft Auto. Chimps playing video games. Great. Now we have to worry about monkeys going all goth and blowing up schools.

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Congratulations to Hillary Clinton on running a great campaign. She’s managed to get me to the point where I have a Pavlovian rise in my blood pressure every time she starts to speak.

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Wait, … what? There are annoying people in Starbucks?!

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Destined to be a classic. The lyrics to the Raiders of the Lost Ark theme and the story behind them. (With karaoke video goodness.)

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It’s Everyone Can Bite Me Friday over at HOLLYWOOD: WHCTD. Just when you think you’re a pretty good writer, Suzy goes and raises the bar.

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Have an awesome weekend, everyone.

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The great thing about sports is, except for the draft which rewards franchises that finish last, it is largely free from a lot of the egalitarian bull-crap that invades the rest of our lives.

As of this writing, the government isn’t spending $300 billion on a program to help more white guys make it in the NBA.

Yes, I know it’s an election year and that could change at any moment.

But at least for now, most sports are about performance under a narrowly delineated set of rules and conditions.

More than a lot of sports events, the Olympics embody many of the best ideals of sports and life. The Olympics rewards long-term, goal-oriented planning. In many instances it represents the overcoming of incredible odds to achieve the opportunity to compete against the best athletes in your sport once every four years.

As usual, you can trust a bureaucracy to screw up a good thing.

Oscar Pistorius is a double-amputee. He was born without bones in his lower leg and both legs were amputated below the knee when he was 11 months old. He holds the Paralympic world record in the 400-meters at 46.56 seconds.

Oscar wanted to compete at the Beijing Olympics. He did not ask for a lower qualifying standard or a head start in the race. All he asked was for the opportunity to try to make his country’s Olympic team.

You might think that type of desire and effort would be applauded and rewarded.

Instead, Oscar was banned from competing by the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAFF). The IAFF thought that his carbon-fiber Cheetah Flex-Foot prosthetics gave him an unfair advantage. Maybe it was the “Cheetah” part that threw them because they just kind of overlooked the fact that (hello, McFly!) they were prosthetics.

Unless there’s a 256-horsepower engine attached to them, I think you might want to weigh the unfair advantage of carbon-fiber prosthetics against the unfair advantage of having two legs and call it a draw.

About the only unfair advantage Oscar has is that he’s got bigger cajones than about 99% of the population.

Fortunately, the ban was overturned by The Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) and Oscar will get the chance to try to make the South African Olympic squad after spending over six months battling the IAFF bureaucrats.

This week’s Friday Six is dedicated to Oscar Pistorius and his win over the narrow-minded dolts on the IAFF.

Is there a part of me that’s embarrassed that I haven’t accomplished more in my life when I see what Oscar’s gone through?

Sure. But I’m going to be rooting my ass off for him anyway.

You can feel free to cheer this week’s Friday Six, too. As is our custom, the Friday Six is the weekly compendium of six websites, videos or victories over bureaucratic snafus that made us laugh this week.

It has less than half the trans-fats and none of the alliteration of a Friday Five. Bon apetit!

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Bill O’Reilly’s now famous meltdown is re-mixed for your dancing pleasure over at College Pork…with about the same number of F-bombs as your basic Eminem rap.

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Radioactive Liberty explains the one super-delegate Hillary Clinton is counting on to win the nomination. Why am I not surprised?

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Shouldn’t someone have made a religious reality show where people from various religions are put into a house until one survives the End of Days? Crummy Church Signs has stuff that’s way funnier. I’m giving odds that the folks at St. James United Methodist Church have Carrot Top booked for the next church picnic.

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It’s as easy as pie to go off on a rant. Suzy Soros shows you just how easy over at the always hilarious HOLLYWOOD: Where HOT Comes To Die.

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Sure, you could watch Headline News for a summary of the day’s events. But Bizlevity’s Scrolling Headlines are funnier.

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Does growing up in New York make you more cynical? I think the jury’s still out. This evidence and more over at Overheard in New York.
Man on the street: Jesus loves you!
Teenage boy: I know he does!
Man on the street: Jesus is coming!
Teenage boy: Jesus is always coming.
Man on the street: He’s really coming this time!

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Have a great weekend, y’all.

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I think the hardest thing about being an advice columnist would be that whole part where you have to stop laughing long enough to write the column.

Being an advice columnist has to be like winning the West Virginia primary. At the end of the day, just how excited can you be that 65% of the dumbest people in the country think you’re the one who can solve their problems.

There’s a pretty good case to be made for making advice columns illegal. After all, they’re an attempt to thwart the smooth, natural functioning of a Darwinian world.

If we’re really concerned about the kind of world we’re going to leave to our kids, we should probably be less concerned about global warming and more concerned that stupid people are no longer being weeded out of the gene pool.

Here’s an example of a question posed to Amy Dickinson.

Dear Amy:
I am a 21-year-old woman in a relationship with a man who is 16 years my senior.

In the beginning of this relationship, it was fine. Now I find that he is really mean to me 94 percent of the time. He calls me names, talks down to me and condemns the way I look.

It seems that nothing makes this man happy, and I am at my wits’ end.

In the two years that we have been together, we have gone nowhere together. He refused to acknowledge my birthday and Valentine’s Day. He constantly tells me that I am a loser and that I will never amount to anything. He does not allow me to go out and have fun, and any money that comes into our household goes to him.

He also believes that I should keep quiet and take whatever he dishes out. I am not entitled to an opinion. I have heard him say sexual things to other women, including his wife. I had no idea she even existed (he is now divorced) or that he has three children.

I have asked him to please try and be caring, sensitive and loving, and to stop lying to me, but he refuses to do so.

In spite of these things, I really love him and plan to marry him, but I’m not sure.

-Stupid Love

Let’s recap: Despite being well aware of her boyfriend’s lying, cheating, thieving and abusive nature…she’s planning on marrying him — if only she can get rid of a few nagging doubts.

The dude is mean to her 94% of the time, which is a pretty amazing feat since you have to figure all that yelling and cheating on your girlfriend is pretty tiring so the guy probably is asleep at least 25% of the time.

If we’re going to outlaw fatty foods because obesity costs society money, we should take a hard look at outlawing stupidity, also. You can pretty much guarantee that, if Stupid Love doesn’t take Amy’s advice, she’s going to be running up one hell of a social services bill.

Heck, there are probably five or six cops alone that’ll retire on the overtime generated by the domestic disturbance calls.

In the spirit of giving back to the community, I’ve decided to volunteer my services as an advice columnist. I think it’s time for a new breed of advice column. Let’s call it Tough Love, with Mark Jabo.

My motto: It may not be great advice, but at least you’ll know where I stand.

How about a practice letter:

Dear Mark Jabo,
As I’m writing this letter to you, my shirt is on fire. What should I do?

It’s my favorite shirt and has lots of sentimental value because my mother bought it for me.

Please help because it’s really starting to get hot and my skin is melting off.

-Crispy Critter

Dear C-Squared,
If you’re still breathing when you get this advice, quickly make out a will and leave everything you own to me.

You failed to mention what caused the fire. Was it grease or did your polyester shirt break into flames as you were trying to light your water pipe?

Either way, you should probably drop and roll on the floor or have someone try to smother the flames with a blanket.

Good luck. Don’t forget that last will and testament.

Your welcome.

-Mark Jabo

Do you see what we did there? There was some solid, practical advice but because it came with a cost attached to it, Crispy Critter will think twice the next time before wearing a polyester shirt.

It’s like the old saying says, “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you’ll give him a lifetime of frustration and mosquito bites.”

Write to me. I’m here to help.

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