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Published July 16, 2008

“Okay, okay … I’ll have chicken again tonight…”

I thought I missed something.

The headline on the story read: “Bull Riding Is Becoming Mainstream.”

Really? If you’ve been to a bull riding competition at any point in your life, raise your manure-stained hand.

That’s what I thought.

I get that bull riding has grown in popularity and I’m sure more people are going to see bull riding events than ever before. More people are eating tofu than ever before, that doesn’t make it “mainstream.”

The article points out that bull riding is more popular than it was 16 years ago. Pretty much anything or anybody that has stuck around is more popular than they were 16 years ago. That goes for John Kerry, Barry Bonds and the Starland Vocal Band.

But wait, bull riders (and bull slingers) will protest, the not-so-new the Professional Bull Riding circuit has managed to get a television contract.

Easy, Cowboy.

Remember the XFL? They had a TV contract, too. That can’t miss proposition combined the showmanship of professional wrestling with all the popularity of football and strippers.

Professional bull riding combines the showmanship of barrel clowns with all the popularity of America’s Funniest Home Videos and a stench you won’t be able to get out of your clothes for a month.

If the guys at Febreeze aren’t all over this sales and marketing opportunity, someone should get fired.

I don’t have anything against bull riding, as long as I’m not the one strapped to the bull. In fact, I admire the toughness of guys who are willing to get their nuts crushed up into their throat on a regular basis and have a total hip replacement before they reach age 30.

I’m sure there are some people who think it’s inhumane to treat animals as entertainment props while humans profit from the spectacle.

If you’re one of those people, then you’re probably not going to be crazy about the website I’m working on that features nothing but videos of household pets high on pot smoke.

It sounds crazy now, but who knows?

In a couple of years, it could be considered mainstream.

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