Get Incensed

Diff’rent Strokes … for different folks ….

The Catholic Church — God bless ‘em, they’re good for at least six posts a month — is coming out with a coloring book that alerts kids to the danger of being sexually assaulted by a priest.

The book, entitled Being Friends, Being Safe, Being Catholic, relies heavily on guardian angel imagery to get its message across.

According to Breitbart News, “One image in the book features a guardian angel hovering over an altar boy with a priest lurking in the background … In another, the angel warns of a sexual predator attempting to chat with a child over the Internet.”

There is a comforting message here for young Catholics: If you’re worried about being molested by a priest, you should know that the Victoria’s Secret models and Curtis Sliwa have got your back.

Uh … in a good way.

One prevents your bishop from abusing you, the other prevents you from abusing your bishop…

Hoping to capitalize on brisk sales of the book, Crayola is coming out with a companion crayon set that includes extra “Flesh” colored crayons.

In an effort to improve its image, the Church also said that inappropriate touching by a priest would no longer be termed “molestation” but would now be referred to more euphemistically as “coloring outside the lines.”

Rejected titles for the new coloring book included: Becoming an Altered Boy, Touched By An Anglican and Come, All Ye Faithful.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get to confession right away.

“Bless me, Father, for I have punned ….”