Get Incensed

“Okay, okay … I’ll have chicken again tonight…”

I thought I missed something.

The headline on the story read: “Bull Riding Is Becoming Mainstream.”

Really? If you’ve been to a bull riding competition at any point in your life, raise your manure-stained hand.

That’s what I thought.

I get that bull riding has grown in popularity and I’m sure more people are going to see bull riding events than ever before. More people are eating tofu than ever before, that doesn’t make it “mainstream.”

The article points out that bull riding is more popular than it was 16 years ago. Pretty much anything or anybody that has stuck around is more popular than they were 16 years ago. That goes for John Kerry, Barry Bonds and the Starland Vocal Band.

But wait, bull riders (and bull slingers) will protest, the not-so-new the Professional Bull Riding circuit has managed to get a television contract.

Easy, Cowboy.

Remember the XFL? They had a TV contract, too. That can’t miss proposition combined the showmanship of professional wrestling with all the popularity of football and strippers.

Professional bull riding combines the showmanship of barrel clowns with all the popularity of America’s Funniest Home Videos and a stench you won’t be able to get out of your clothes for a month.

If the guys at Febreeze aren’t all over this sales and marketing opportunity, someone should get fired.

I don’t have anything against bull riding, as long as I’m not the one strapped to the bull. In fact, I admire the toughness of guys who are willing to get their nuts crushed up into their throat on a regular basis and have a total hip replacement before they reach age 30.

I’m sure there are some people who think it’s inhumane to treat animals as entertainment props while humans profit from the spectacle.

If you’re one of those people, then you’re probably not going to be crazy about the website I’m working on that features nothing but videos of household pets high on pot smoke.

It sounds crazy now, but who knows?

In a couple of years, it could be considered mainstream.

-

Typical PETA B.S.

-

-

If you can read this you’re too close … and legally blind

Government officials announced today that the U.S. Mint will soon produce a new silver dollar commemorating the birth of Louis Braille who created the raised-dot alphabet for the blind.

The Braille code word for Braille - “Brl” - is inscribed on the back of the new silver dollar.

On the front the Braille inscription reads, “If they tell you this is a quarter, they’re trying to screw you.”

My brother was born blind. He had a wicked sense of humor, so I’m sure he would have appreciated the irony in the government’s new silver dollar announcement.

Blind people don’t need the government’s help in differentiating coins. They can tell the difference between a quarter and a nickel with their eyes closed er, um … by feel.

If you really want to help blind people from getting ripped off, you need to put Braille lettering on paper money. Sure, someone could punch some fake holes in a $20 bill sized piece of paper, but at least they’d have to learn Braille to do it.

There’s already been at least one court case concerning the difficulty blind people have in discriminating between different denominations of paper currency. Last November, a judge ruled that, by not making money that can be differentiated by touch, the government is discriminating against blind people.

Next up on the court docket: the landmark Stevie Wonder v. Playboy case.

The U.S. Mint has said the new dollar coins will be available in early 2009. Of the 600,000 or so legally blind people in the country, only about 10% of them currently read Braille.

So, basically, the U.S. Mint is gearing up production of a commemorative coin for about 60,000 people or about the same number of people who attend a Notre Dame football game.

Maybe we should mint a coin to commemorate the next time the Fighting Irish win a football game.

Oh, by the way, if you want to buy the new Braille coin it will cost you $11 due to a $10 surcharge to help support the National Federation for the Blind.

Man, I didn’t see that coming.

-

-